strength

So I would like to consider myself pretty “tough.” I was given 3 doses of pitocin and suffered thru the contractions until the very last possible moment. I don’t get sick, and if I do I usually try to “suck it up” and keep on doing what I do. I push myself when I exercise. Physically, I’m pretty strong, but emotionally…

Yesterday, my husband had a stroke. A “tiny” stroke. It partially blinded him and made him take a trip to the ER. He’s still there tonight. (at the hospital). When I went in to see him, his sister and her family were there to see him, and as soon as they left, I laid down next to him and started to cry. I was there for about 2 hours, the whole time I cried on and off. He kept telling me he was gonna be ok, that I need not worry, but when it comes to my husband, I have no strength. My love for him is very deep. I’m sure it’s not an unusual amount of deep-ness because I read a lot of blogs of girls that continuely confess their love for their husband, but it might be a little obsessive. I can’t imagine my life without him and when we get to heaven, he’s gonna be my husband there too. =D

Today, while I was driving to my aunt’s, I drove past a cemetery and a car pulled in and I thought, “how sad for someone to die on thanksgiving and that person goes and visits them every year” and then it hit me. I mean it literally felt like a slap in the face and I started crying that, “that could be me” and I it broke my heart and I begged my God not to let my love be taken away. That I just couldn’t handle that pain.

I feel so weak…

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One Response to strength

  1. rachel anna says:

    jen… your love for chan is so beautiful. it makes me believe in things like loyalty and happiness and crazy-love in marriage and all those cheesy things that i cynically think practically don’t exist! 🙂
    my thoughts are with you guys! you are strong even when you don’t feel like you are.
    love you so much bff.

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