Hark! The Herald Angel Sing…
A couple of days ago I made Baby J’s christmas card. This isn’t the picture I picked but it’s just as cute!
Baby J is 9 months tomorrow. Too Crazy!!! she is 3 months away from one! Oh my goodness, I’m almost a mom of a one year old!!! unfortunately we’re sick! =( boo! It sucks!
So I would like to consider myself pretty “tough.” I was given 3 doses of pitocin and suffered thru the contractions until the very last possible moment. I don’t get sick, and if I do I usually try to “suck it up” and keep on doing what I do. I push myself when I exercise. Physically, I’m pretty strong, but emotionally…
Yesterday, my husband had a stroke. A “tiny” stroke. It partially blinded him and made him take a trip to the ER. He’s still there tonight. (at the hospital). When I went in to see him, his sister and her family were there to see him, and as soon as they left, I laid down next to him and started to cry. I was there for about 2 hours, the whole time I cried on and off. He kept telling me he was gonna be ok, that I need not worry, but when it comes to my husband, I have no strength. My love for him is very deep. I’m sure it’s not an unusual amount of deep-ness because I read a lot of blogs of girls that continuely confess their love for their husband, but it might be a little obsessive. I can’t imagine my life without him and when we get to heaven, he’s gonna be my husband there too. =D
Today, while I was driving to my aunt’s, I drove past a cemetery and a car pulled in and I thought, “how sad for someone to die on thanksgiving and that person goes and visits them every year” and then it hit me. I mean it literally felt like a slap in the face and I started crying that, “that could be me” and I it broke my heart and I begged my God not to let my love be taken away. That I just couldn’t handle that pain.
I feel so weak…
I’ll confess some things that have been on my mind lately.
- I hate my nursery. It’s too pink, too commercial, just not me. (but I kinda feel like my house is that way too) It’s all my fault though, I should have told chan to only paint a wall or two, and I should have never registered for what I did (though I am grateful for what was given to me, and it is cute and I didn’t actually think anyone would buy it for me) I just feel like it should be different. I look at different nurseries on blogs and HGTV and I just dream of what I could do, but I feel bad for Chan. I hope he doesn’t get mad if I ask him to paint again.
- I recently read an article about things people don’t know about motherhood, and I am so glad I did because it said, motherhood is lonely and I definitely agree. I love my baby, but most days, I am beyond lonely and I’m glad that it’s normal.
- I wish I was pregnant. Because I felt I looked my best when I was pregnant, I was the center of attention, without actually being the center attention, and I love the anticipation of a new baby. May will come soon enough I guess.
- I kinda miss my pre baby life, but I wouldn’t give up this life for ANYTHING!!!!
So there you go, just few random confessions that are probably alittle too personal for a blog!
and for you Auntie Rach:
I have the worst singing voice. Even in a large group, you can hear my awful singing voice, it’s that terrible! I also only know two “real” songs (not kiddy songs) all the way thru by heart, Nice and slow by usher and Over the rainbow from Wizard of Oz. I don’t know how or why I remember these two songs, but there they are in my memory. A couple of weeks ago, Baby J was fussing and the usual shhhh was not doing it, so I started to sing to her. Yep, Somewhere over the rainbow, and she instantly quieted. I couldn’t believe it. She even smiled at me. Now whenever she is fussy, for whatever reason, I sing that song and she is instantly silent. I rock her to sleep at least twice a day singing on that song. She doesn’t mind my horrible voice, and I don’t mind making a fool of myself singing it to her. I love her. She is mine and I am her rainbow!
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There’s a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can’t I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can’t I?
Last week was a weird week for me. I was in a weird funk and did mostly nothing all week. No project, no cleaning, nothing. Maybe I was just lazy, I would say just tired. I felt like the last 7 weeks of waking up in the middle of the night, dealing with a baby finally caught up with me. I lost my mind. But I’m back. I feel better this week.
My new project will be an easy one: I’m gonna make some mother’s day cards for all the mothers in my life. And work on presents for those said mothers. And start researching next week’s project which will be starting a garden!!
I’m so excited for that. Yum, strawberries!!! I love homegrown strawberries!
So on monday, I finally cleaned my closets out! Finally, after two and a half years, I did it! I did not find any “new” cute shoes, which I’m a little disappointed, but I did however find some “new” purses that I can’t wait to use again when I don’t have only baby things to tote around. Now that my shoe closet is cleaned out, I think I need some new shoes. Yellow chucks anyone? oh yeah, the Reebok butt shoes. Woo hoo! A new holiday that chan gets to spoil me! I heart mother’s day!! =)